6. Love Bank

Posted on February 11th, 2011

It's almost Valentine's Day. A day in Western culture when couples express their love for each other by going out to dinner, buying gifts, and saying nice words to each other.

It's a nice idea. But what I don't understand is why this culture has to designate a certain day out the year to sort of "force" people to do actions that show their love for their loved ones (sorry, the word love might come up numerous times in this post).

Everyday in the lives of couples should be a day to show your love for one another.

Amr Khaled expresses this idea in his 21st lecture in his series Al Ganah Fe Boyotna (Paradise in our Household).

He says, "Love is not just an inner feeling within people's hearts...Love is doing actions, to get up and move and show your love towards each other…” just like you would on Valentine's Day.

He goes on to say that if love in a marriage fails then the whole household will fall. So he focuses this lecture on bringing love back into a relationship and why it goes away in the first place.

He describes five steps that can lead to the downfall of love in a relationship between a husband and wife.

1 - You start to talk to each other less and less. Before you know it he’ll be at the office for 12 hours without even picking up the phone to check in.

2 - The husband looks for things to do after work so he doesn't have to come home.

3 - Each spouse starts to only see the bad in the other person. “Don’t let the devil get in your head and do this,” he says. “He is an expert at this.” Everyone has faults from the beginning, but at this level you can only see the bad.

4 - No intimacy.

5 - Looking for love outside of the house. Another act of the devil, he says. He makes you think that what you don't have is better than what you already have in your hands.

Can love live long? Can love live for 30, 40 years? “I swear to God it can,” he says. He swears that it can because God said it can.

God states in the Quran, "Wa jaal baynakom mawadatan wa rahma." God puts intimate fellowship and mercy into the hearts of every two people that get married.

Examples of love in the households of the Sahaba (companions of the Prophet (pbuh)):

-- After Khadijah died, the Prophet (pbuh) got approached by a woman who said to him, “You have kids that need looking after, you should get married again.” Because of the strong feelings he had towards his late wife, after she said that he put his head down and cried and said, “Who can replace Khadijah.”

-- Sayida Fatima’s (The Prophet’s (pbuh) daughter) husband described her as “My wife, my life, and my home… Our skin is intertwined together."

-- While an old man was performing Hajj he missed his wife so much that he sent a telegram to his wife saying, “My soul misses your soul.” Nowadays we can send a text message and it’ll reach our spouses in one sec and we don’t, he says.

So why does it go away? Anything that you don't feed/nurture will rust and die. Just like your body, your car or a plant.

During the engagement period of your life and during early marriage you had a “bank account” full of love to take from. But as the years pass that bank account becomes emptier and emptier till there’s none left to withdraw from.

So you have to continuously put love back into that bank account … with a kiss, a hug, a smile, a prayer together, or a nice word. “Love is actions, he repeats, not just an inner feeling. Do things to make your love grow.”

Do actions and get love!

The best thing to give your kids is to show them that you love your spouse, he adds.

He says, "Take your spouse’s hand...Don’t be stingy with your affection...A nice word and a smile can go a long way...Men, don't let her beg you to tell her that the dress she's wearing is nice. Tell her without her asking."

A man once told the Prophet (pbuh) that he admired a certain man passing by in front of them, the Prophet (pbuh) asked him, "Have you told him this?" He said no. So he told him to run to him and tell him immediately.

Get your affection out! Don't keep it in, he says.

At the end of the lecture he said, “I want every spouse to intend to show their love for each other and do actions to fill the love bank.”


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